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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318856">Memories</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedSnow1/pseuds/RedSnow1'>RedSnow1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bittersweet, Clara Oswin Oswald's Death, Drabble, Drabble Collection, F/M, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Lost Love, Love, Memories, Memory Loss, Mentioned Bill Potts, Mentioned Clara Oswin Oswald, POV Twelfth Doctor, Sad and Sweet, Twelfth Doctor Era, Twelveclara, whouffaldi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:36:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedSnow1/pseuds/RedSnow1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles set after Hell Bent.</p>
<p>The Doctor tries to remember Clara.<br/>He fails.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Twelfth Doctor/Clara Oswin Oswald</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Mirror of the soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello there!</p>
<p>If you follow me on Twitter (@EvilMarie1), you may have seen this little anthology before. I have decided to post them here as well, in hope never to lose them! This is a collection of drabbles written for Clara and the Doctor. I hope you enjoy them!</p>
<p>I am french and was not beta-ed for these. All mistakes are mine, and I apologize for them!</p>
<p>Enjoy, and don't forget to let me know what you thought about them!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>They say that eyes are the mirror of the soul, and he truly believes it to be true. </p>
<p>Eyes don’t lie. Eyes don’t pretend. He can tell from the way people stare at him whether they are worth his trust. He can weight the courage of a man by the way he looks at the world.  </p>
<p><em> Eyes </em> , he thinks… <em> they reveal the truth people are trying so hard to hide. </em></p>
<p>But when he stares at his reflection, his steel-blue eyes are empty and he wonders what it says about him. Does that make him a monster? Is he a good man?</p>
<p>He knows it has not always been this way. Flames used to dance in his iris. Where are they now? It feels like there is a part of him that is missing. And maybe there is. It would make sense. Maybe Clara had stolen all the fire in his eyes before she left. Maybe, when he had forgotten her, he had left behind a part of himself too.</p>
<p>He smiles bitterly. First his memories, now his identity. Who is he, when he is not Clara’s Doctor?</p>
<p>He comes closer to his reflection in the mirror, brows furrowed. The lines on his face, the grey in his hair — It’s all very familiar and yet, foreign. He is confused and scared.</p>
<p>
  <em> Who Am I? </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Puppy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Doctor questions Missy about Clara</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Do you remember Clara?” He asks, out of the blue.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Missy is busy eating the Chinese food he got her, behind her glass prison. Her eyes shimmer at the mention of the woman’s name, and she wears her most wicked smile. A predator staring at its prey, he thinks. But the Doctor doesn’t look away: he is not afraid. She has changed; he knows she has. And that is good because he needs her help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He needs her memories.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because Missy knew Clara. They fought together once. Everything is blurry, her face is hidden from his eyes, but he remembers Missy, the Daleks, Davros. He remembers the fear of losing his companion, the pain of watching her die. They were together once, long ago, facing the greatest danger. The images are gone, but the emotions are there. Always.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he needs to know. He needs to remember. He needs his friend.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? Is your puppy lost?” She mocks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He knows she expects him to be offended. To pick up a fight to defend his precious little Clara. He doesn’t. What’s the point? He just feels empty. Alone and scared.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“She is gone.” He whispers, his voice broken.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her face goes sombre, her impossibly blue eyes are looking for his. He feels the pity in her glance and shies away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even Missy doesn’t have the heart to joke any more. She leaves the food on top of the piano, and walks closer to him, sitting on the ground, her hand on the glass.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And she tells him everything he needs to know.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Blackboard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Twelve tries to remember Clara</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He writes on a blackboard everything he can remember about her, in case he ever runs into her again. Every little thing he can think of — so that he can recognize her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Clara. Her name is Clara.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She is a name on the tip of his tongue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A name without a face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A memory forgotten.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A memory stolen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An invisible companion, always there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A ghost in his mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A song that has long ended.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A song he keeps on playing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A hole in his heart, aching to be filled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Who is Clara?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He asks himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His other half.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The one he couldn’t save.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The one he keeps on chasing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The one he will never find.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead he writes down one word. One single word that says it all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Who is Clara? Everything…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then, with a sad smile, he adds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>… But she is gone.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
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